Talkiing Dirty

Sex. The big dirty elephant in the room. No one wants to talk about the nitty gritty ugly side of sex, so I will. Not everyone is in the mood ALL the time, which is normal. If you are one of those people, you go girl!! This blog may not benefit you right now but may in the future, but for some of us, we are never in the mood.  

Sometimes, sex even felt like a chore. Have you ever felt that way? Laundry, check. Dishes, check. Fed the dog, check. Kids in bed, check. Shower, check. Ugh. Now we must have sex. This is where I would have usually had two options – pretend I have a headache or just bare minimum to get through it. Fake it till you make it right? Are you nodding your head in agreement yet?  

I honestly thought this was normal. That this is what a normal sex life was like. Just going through the motions not really enjoying each other. Honeymoon phase was over, but 10 years in –this is married sex. To be honest it was not until I learned how to effectively communicate with my SO that I began to understand that this was not how it had to be. I had that hard conversation and told him how I was feeling, just never aroused and that it was not his fault – my SO is a complete smoke show. I honestly thought I just had a defect, and it was depressing.  

I am by nature a researcher and found out as much as I could about low sex drive and what we could do. What I found is sex is a basic need just like any other aspect of a meaningful relationship. Women’s sexual desire tends to be linked more toward emotional connections and self-esteem which can lower libido in women if there is not an effective communication established with their partner. Body dysmorphia is a real problem for both men and women as well as psychological trauma from past relationships. I suggest taking the time to talk these things out with your partner if you are having any of the above symptoms.  

If you have effective communication and still have a low libido, like I did, the next step I would suggest is to have a consultation for BHRT (Bioidentical Hormone Replacement Therapy). When our hormones are not at the correct levels in our bodies it can cause all types of symptoms – mood swings, anxiety, low libido, weight gain, fatigue, hair loss and more. Even if you are not at the “age” of being menopausal, it does not mean it is not possible for you to have an imbalance such as estrogen dominance which can also cause these symptoms. A simple consultation and blood test could turn you sex life back into fun instead of a chore.  

Thanks for reading and as always,

Stay well.